Outsmart self-sabotage

One of the main ways I work with my clients is to help them understand and overcome self-sabotaging behaviours. We all have them. Whether it’s being on a weight loss diet but ending up in front of the fridge reaching for the chocolate, or committing to an early morning routine that doesn’t have a chance because of late-night Netflix binge watching. Maybe it’s a work project that needs to be finished, but late night socialising with friends gets in the way…

Oh, hello self-sabotage.

It shows up in all of us in various situations. We all end up at one point or another making decisions that don’t support our goals or intentions. 

So why do we do this to ourselves?

The answer lies in our subconscious. We are in fact being driven by a set of subconscious self-limiting beliefs. We pick these up generally in childhood when we’re aged between 0-7. At this point in our lives we’re in a highly suggestible brain state called Alpha. Nature intended it to be this way so that from a young age we could quickly and easily download the norms and rules required to be a functional member of a family or society.  So, as a young child we are busy imprinting beliefs from parents, and caregivers around us who are key influencers in our lives.

Once imprinted, these beliefs become the blueprint which drives our actions and behaviour all the way into adulthood and because we’re unaware of these beliefs we very rarely get a chance to question them. Confirmation bias means we are always looking for ways to prove our view of the world is correct, and every time something in our life matches our subconscious beliefs, they imprint even deeper. 

These unquestioned, often limiting beliefs served a purpose when they were created and may have even kept us safe when we were younger, but as an adult many of them are outdated and over-simplified. Some are just wrong. Often we’re running subconscious deeply wired self-limiting beliefs that are completely at odds with what we want to achieve as an adult which result in self-sabotaging behaviour. 

 So how do we work with these self-sabotaging subconscious beliefs?

Step 1

The first step in working with limiting subconscious beliefs is awareness. Take a deep look at areas in your life that your behaviour is not supporting your end goal or desired outcome. Start by making a note of these self-sabotaging repetitive patterns and see what you notice. 

Step 2

Look at how these pattern are serving you in your life. This can involve some detective work as it may not be obvious. Let me also add to step 2 - don’t get caught up here as sometimes our conscious mind cannot fathom why we would sabotage ourselves in these ways. If this is the case for you, just know that at one point in your life these behaviours did serve you! 

Step 3

If you want to make any real change in your life you have to have a motivator – especially when it comes to deeply wired in behavioural patterns. Have a real think about why it matters that you make change? Why is it important to you? What’s the impact if you don’t?

Step 4

Give yourself a very conscious alternative way of behaving. What would you like to do differently? How would you like to be or feel? Knowing your patterns and then giving yourself a choice of response is key to the process.  Now you just have to make that new behaviour stick….

Step 5

Repeat, repeat, repeat. You have to keep repeating the new behaviour over and over again until the neural circuits in the brain wire in this new choice as your primary way of being – sounds easy doesn’t it! ;-)

To be completely honest, it’s much easier to work with self-sabotaging beliefs when you have an outside perspective and someone to hold you accountable to a new way of being. Working with a coach makes the whole process smoother.  I often use a combination of coaching and hypnotherapy when I’m working with clients on self-sabotaging beliefs. While in hypnosis the conscious brain takes a rest and the brain goes into Alpha brainstate so it’s easier to find the answers to why, where and when things have shown up in our lives and then implant new suggestions about ways of being to make change stick.

Drop me a message if you want to have a chat about how advanced hypnotherapy & coaching could take your life to the next level of success - I’d love to hear from you!