The Art of Receiving

To receive deeply is an art. Often we’re taught that giving is superior to receiving and this helps us to be more responsive to others needs and thoughtful to those around us, but this sentiment can also leave us feeling it’s in some way immodest or selfish to receive. We’re not often taught about the beauty and nobility that comes from receiving deeply, warmly and openly.

 Our discomfort with receiving may hide itself in being overly helpful but yet never asking for help, or in our joy of giving gifts but our inability to receive them. It may disguise itself in our ability to nurture and care for others, but our discomfort in being supported ourselves. 

Now being helpful, generous and caring are all wonderful things and most definitely needed at this current point in time. But when we find ourselves unable to receive support, compliments, kindness, love or caring the scales aren’t balanced. The result can be that our lives aren’t quite as fulfilling, our relationships aren’t quite as intimate, and our hearts aren’t quite as open as we want them to be. 

So how do you know if receiving is an issue for you?

The answer can be in how your body responds. Think of what happens if a stranger gives you a compliment, you are given a gift, or a partner looks lovingly into your eyes. Does something in you contract. Do you notice a tension perhaps in your belly? What happens to your breath? What happens to your shoulders – do they draw in a little? These are all signs of being unsettled and uncomfortable with receiving. The body gives us the clues. 

Now here are 3 possibilities for why this may be the case:

Protection

Blocks to receiving may be a way to protect from owing something to someone else and being in their debt.  We may have had experience of compliments or gifts being attempts to control or manipulate us and feel the need to defend ourselves from any sense of obligation or indebtedness by not opening ourselves up to receiving a gift or connection. 

Shame

We may feel some shame about receiving if we grew up being indoctrinated with messages that it was wrong or selfish to receive.  We may feel that we’re not a ‘good’ person unless we’re modest and self-effacing. 

 Control

Giving leaves us in the driving seat. We decide what, to whom and how much.  Receiving does not afford us that luxury. We may feel uncomfortable with letting go of control and having to surrender to the feeling of receiving something from someone else.

Receiving deeply invites us to welcome a vulnerable side of ourselves. It can require strength to welcome a compliment, praise or connection with kindness, caring and wholeheartedness. But receiving deeply not only nurtures us, it also honours the giver. It makes them feel that they have made a difference in our lives. So how about if you allow yourself to slow down and welcome in that vulnerability.  What happens if you spend this next week looking for opportunities to receive good things which come your way. It might be as simple as someone holding open a door for you, a warm hug or a tender look. As you practice the art of receiving, I invite you to be aware of what happens to the sense of joy and fulfilment in your life.